The Pirates! In An Adventure With Orphans
by thealbinopirate
Summary: What led Albino Pirate to join the Pirate Captain's crew? Was it the ham? The grog? The exotic diseases? Or was it something else entirely? One-shot.


"You know, lads, I've been thinking." Thinking wasn't exactly the Pirate Captain's forte. If he had a forte, one could argue that glossing and grooming his luxuriant beard was one of them. However, thinking was the last thing that came to mind.

The Pirate Captain paced in front of his rather small crew of misfits, consisting of a pirate with a raging case of gout, a pirate with only one hand remaining and the rest of his extremities consisting of pegs and hooks, and a tall, dark-skinned pirate who looked like he himself could easily overtake the Captain with his brawn...that is, if only he weren't cradling a kitten in his arms. Two more pirates sat near the front, one who looked surprisingly curvaceous for "his" small frame, and another who looked no older than 20, and wore a red scarf made of some poor animal the pirates found in their Adventure With Endangered Species. "What is it this time, sir?" the Pirate with a Scarf asked with a tinge of irritation,"Scantily-clad islanders again? The difference between a pig and a watermelon? A new adventure consisting of German philosphers? What could you possibly be thinking about this time?" The Pirate Captain sighed.

"How terrible of a pirate I am. Meaning, I'm not terrible at all! Black Bellamy is notorious for being a horrible person, Cutlass Liz ran through her 500th poor male just last Wednesday, Pegleg Hastings had the audacity to steal the Declaration of Independence...and here I am, a...a...I don't even know the word for it." He slumped in his seat. The Pirate with a Scarf sighed.

"'Nice', Captain. That's the word you're looking for. You're too nice." The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate nodded. "Just the other day, you helped a poor grandma across the street! You're the most decent person I know!" "he" said with a smile. If one was knowledgable about being in love, one might say that the Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate looked "smitten". None of the other Pirates were knowledgable about being in love. They were knowledgable, however, about the Pirate Captain's moodswings, and sure enough, his expression turned into one of determination.

"Well, that's ending today, boys! I've decided I'm going to do the most dastardly thing possible. The most henious crime that only Satan would applaud! The most disgusting..." "Oh, ON WITH IT!" The Pirate with Prosthetics said, rolling his eyes. The Pirate Captain leered. "I'm going...to rob an orphanage!" The other pirates blinked. "That's not even...it's...well, it's a start." The Pirate with Gout remarked. The Pirate Captain nodded. "Of course! Well, what are we waiting for, lads? Let's get this ship to the nearest location...where is that, Number Two?" Pirate with a Scarf pulled a map out of his blazer pocket and opened it up. "Well, it seems we're nearest to Blackpool, England, sir." "Blackpool it is, then!" The Pirate with a Scarf looked exasperated. "Oh, this can not end well..." he muttered under his breath.

* * *

The Blackpool Orphanage looked very much out of place. For one, it was gray and dismal in colour amongst a surrounding rainbow of buildings. Two, it wasn't a holiday resort, a roller coaster, or a ferris wheel. Three, a lone boy sat out in the front fenced-in yard, who did not look like most other boys. In fact, he was usually mistaken for a milk bottle and not even a boy at all. His white-blond hair messily fell in front of his pink-red eyes, which looked downcast and sad. His skin was as soft and white as snow, and his tattered, gray clothing greatly contrasted against it.

In his right hand, he held a toy wooden sword given to him by his grandmother seven years before. In his left hand, he held a brochure advertising the Blackpool area, that he loved to pretend was a treasure map. He actually loved pirates quite a bit. He had read all about their pillaging, their looting, their shanties, and their luxuriant beards...but he wanted to experience it all for himself! But before he could run through another imaginary rogue or find another box of jewels and gold, the door to the orphanage flew open. The other boys and girls ran out to the yard, all ignoring the Albino Orphan. He sighed. "It's always been like this..." he thought to himself. "Ever since Grandma died. I'm seventeen now. No one is going to want to adopt me, ever." Tears welled up in his eyes.

"You, there, boy." An older lady had appeared next to the Albino Orphan. He cringed when he heard her voice. She was always so mean! "You turn eighteen here in a month, you realize that, right?" She scowled. "You'll be out on the streets then, boy. You had better hope for a miracle. No one wants to adopt an albino. Maybe today will be your lucky day!" The older lady, who happened to be the orphanage owner, let out a shrill, high-pitched laugh. The Albino Orphan glared at her, and wondered what it would be like to run HER through.

Before responding, though, a group of elderly women showed up in front of the fence and Albino Orphan took notice. One woman had a raging case of gout. Another had only one hand, and the rest of her extremities seemed to consist of pegs and hooks. Yet another was so tall and so burly that she almost scared Albino Orphan a little...until he saw her cradling a kitten in her arms. Two other elderly women showed up, one with an unfortunate facial hair problem and the other with a nice, red scarf that the Albino Orphan wouldn't mind to have. Finally, another woman with a facial hair problem showed up, however, her beard was so glossy and so well-groomed that she actually looked nice in it. Albino Orphan had very good hearing, and he could have sworn he heard the Elderly Woman with a Scarf mutter "Oh, God, here we go..."

* * *

"To be honest with you," the woman who had a glossy beard said in a suspiciously male-sounding voice, "We are looking to adopt a child for all of us to share, since it's way past our date to have ones of our own!" The owner of the orphanage put on a fake smile. "Well, Elderly Woman Captain, we do have a nice selection of children here at our orphanage! " she said, pouring a cup of tea, "Fat ones, small ones. Short ones, tall ones. Oh, dear me, I'm starting to sound like that Suess fellow. Anyway, yes, we have quite the selection! Here, I'll take you out to the yard so you can observe them." The Elderly Woman Captain gave a look to the Elderly Woman with a Scarf. Before the owner of the orphanage got up from her seat, the Albino Orphan ran into the room.

"Please help me!" he shouted, his white skin tinged red from sunburn, "I need my jacket, it's too sunny outsi-" The owner of the orphanage stood up swiftly. "Albino Orphan, I've told you time and time again, not to enter this room until I came and got you!" She turned to the group of elderly women and smiled. "Don't worry about this one, he's been a problem child from the beginning..." Usually, you don't expect anyone to just suddenly grab an albino person that they don't know and hold a cutlass to their throat. You should know by now, though, that things don't go as expected with a group of...pirates! Ripping off his disguise, the Pirate Captain grabbed the Albino Orphan and held a cutlass to his throat. The other elderly women followed suit, revealing their true identities as well. The owner of the orphanage looked shocked, appalled, and most of all, relieved to know that the new trend for elderly women was not to grow luxuriant beards.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" The Pirate Captain boomed, wrapping his arm that wasn't holding a deadly weapon around the Albino Orphan's neck, "We're actually pirates, and we're here for your gold! Give us all you have, or this milk bottle gets it!" The owner of the orphanage gave a blank look. Then, she busted into her grating, squealing laughter.

"Ahaha, you want gold, or HE gets it?" she managed to say, her laughter taking a hold of her. "He's an ALBINO! No one cares about him! No one has wanted him for the seven years that he's been here!" The Pirate Captain looked down at the Albino Orphan, whose eyes were welling up with tears. "Take him, please, do whatever you want with him. We don't even have any gold here, but please, you'd be doing us a favor by getting rid of him!" The laughter continued. The Pirate with a Scarf looked over at the Pirate Captain.

As hard as he tried to maintain his gruff piratical exterior, he was just too good of a person to listen to this wretch of a woman speak so ill of a person who caused no harm to anyone. This is what Pirate with a Scarf loved being a part of the Captain's crew."Now, LISTEN HERE!" The Pirate Captain screamed, stomping his boot to the ground with a loud thump. "Albino or not, he's still a person! And I won't stand here with a knife to his throat and listen to you go on and on about how worthless he is!" The Pirate Captain let go of the Albino Orphan. "Sorry, lad. Anyway, we will, in fact, take him off of your hands. What was it that Jesus said? People are worth more than gold? Hmm. Perhaps it was Ghandi. Anyway, he shall join our pirate crew. And, good day with you!" The owner of the orphanage simply rolled her eyes. The Pirate Captain turned to the Albino Orphan.

"Lad, you're a pirate now. I hope you're willing to put up with all of the sea salt, the barnacles, and the mermaids who aren't even maids at all, but rather merlads. Those are the worst." The Albino Orphan's eyes welled up with tears for the upteenth time that day. "Of...of course I'm willing to put up with that!", he said with so much happiness that it made the other pirates let out an audible "awww", "I'm willing to put up with that, the stale ham, the seasickness, the people trying to hang you at every locale you go to...oh, I've always wanted to be a pirate!" He hugged the Pirate Captain. "This is the best day of my life!"

* * *

"Lads, I've been thinking." The Pirate Captain paced back and forth in front of his crew. The rest of the pirates groaned, some of them even started to cry a little. "Well, this time, it isn't a stupid scheme, or a ploy to romance Cutlass Liz. This time...I think that, with our new addition to our little family..." He looked towards the Albino Orphan, who sat at the front of the table, with a huge grin. "That we deserve Ham Night tonight." The rest of the pirates got up and cheered at the sound of this. If you knew anything about pirates, the first thing you'd know is that they love ham more than anything in the world. "So, welcome to our crew...Albino Pirate!" All of the pirates picked up a mug of grog and toasted one another. "To Albino Pirate!"

* * *

A/N: Hi guys! This is actually the first fanfic I've ever written...hopefully it's somewhat decent! Albino pirate is my favourite character, and I had his backstory in my mind for some time and decided to actually write it out! Anyway, thanks a ton for reading, and hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
